What are you doing after college?

Pretty much every conversation I have nowadays contains this question. It doesn’t matter if I’m having a nice cold beer with some buddies, mid-bite of a delicious (non-dairy) lasagna on a date, even if I’m trying to steer the conversation away from it, the question will inevitably pop up.

"So, what do you want to do after you graduate?”

I had no fucking clue. I kind of do now, but back before senior year, nothing.

I hated this question. Actually, still hate it. It waters down my beer with worry and sours my lasagna with discomfort. To avoid thinking about it, I drank more beer.

I’m currently in my last semester of college. In three months, my professor will hand me my overpriced piece of paper, shake my hand, then bid me adieu off into the real world. I heard the real world is a scary place, and for a while I didn’t think I was ready.

I had a great time in college, and for the most part, I think that piece of paper was worth it.  I didn’t do the best job of preparing myself for the job market, though.

My major is political science, which as one of my professors once said is only good for grad school or unemployment. My job experience consists of a couple of months of retail at Banana Republic and the few times I worked the desk at the dad’s dental practice. Not exactly the best.

I taught myself some marketing and got a minor in entrepreneurship to maybe improve my chances of getting a job, but this doesn’t do much when I am going up against business majors who spent the last three summers interning for Deloitte. 

Instead of focusing on my major classes, I took random classes on Roman civilization in American film, classic literature, and mountain climbing. While these classes were incredibly fun and interesting, they did not help me make money and caused me to take a lot more credits than I would have liked this last semester.

Instead of studying, or writing the papers I was supposed to, I wrote short stories that caused me to cringe weeks after their publishing and recounted times of my travels on my website.

I also have some brief (and I mean brief) experience in urban planning, IT, data analytics, physical training, and while my resume says I am fluent in Italian, you would not want me as your translator. 

Frankly speaking, I was going into my last year of college with no idea of what I wanted to do

Let’s table the answer to this question for a second. I obviously did not know. I wasn’t the only one, though.

“What do you want to do after you graduate?”

For less than 10 words, it’s a heavy question. It’s weighed down by family pressure to get a good job, by LinkedIn posts of people celebrating dream job offers and tweets by self-made millionaires at 20.

Another thing. Nowhere in those nine words does it say anything about the permanence of your decision, but there is an implicit suggestion that what you decide will be your occupation for the rest of your life.  I know this is not true, but I also know most spiders aren’t dangerous and I am still terrified of them.

It’s also a privileged question. It suggests that I have options, something that wouldn't have been available to my grandparents. My great-grandparents came to America with only their clothes and a promise of work on a farm. My grandfather had 15 dollars to his name when he married my grandmother and worked every job under the sun so that his kids wouldn't have to pay for college. Because of that, my mother was able to study law and make enough money to do the same for me, for which I am eternally grateful. I will do for my kids someday as well, so they too may have the privileged problem of having options.

Some people though are not as lucky as me. They face this dilemma and the wrong choice comes with real consequences. The opportunity cost of choosing the wrong career can imprison one in a job they do not like but are forced to continue because the alternative is just too expensive. The internet age has alleviated some of these costs, but they still exist, and still prevent people from following their dreams.

Let’s return to the question.

“What do you want to do after you graduate?”

Before the pandemic hit, I somehow landed an internship in Sacramento. I had bought a new suit and a few matching ties and was mentally preparing myself for the daily rush to work.

Then the lockdown. My internship got canceled (thank god), my classes were moved online, and I headed home.

Being immunocompromised, I wasn't able to leave my house. I went through a five-month period where the only fresh air I got was opening the window. And god I was bored. Privileged to be so, but incredibly bored.

One day I had an idea for a story. It happened in the shower, where all good ideas come from. I let it stew for a few days, but eventually, it got to the point where I had to let it out. I sat down at my computer, opened word, and five hours later that felt like five minutes, had a chapter of a book.

I spent those five months writing every day. Never before had I felt so sure of what I was doing, where I wasn’t worried that I was wasting time that I could have been doing something else. When I finished the first draft of what will become my first book, I got a little misty-eyed. The draft was shit, I knew it even then, but it was the first time in my life that I felt like I had accomplished something worth doing (outside of relationships).

So, the answer to the loaded question, what do you want to do after college? I want to become a writer. Some people don’t have the privilege to be as naïve as me, though, and I think this question needs some updating. 

The world is not the same place that it was when college became mainstream for the first time. It doesn’t guarantee a job like it used to, and the workplace has also changed dramatically from when my parents entered the workplace. People don’t remain in the same company anymore, as the latest startup from Silicon Valley is forcing these companies to change overnight or fade away. So with the workplace changing so quickly, this question should as well.

There are much better questions to be asked. What are you working on right now? What are you excited about in your future? Or just ask them how they’re doing today. It’s much easier to answer. 

The Best Books I Read in 2020

Cover photo by Susan Ying

A read a lot in 2020. I certainly had a lot of time to do so. Of course, I didn’t read as much as I should have or could have and wasted most of my quarantine periods playing League of Legends (I’m not even good at the game, I don’t know why I play). Despite this, I am still proud of the amount I read.

And I got lucky. I found some good ones. I read a couple of books this year that completely changed my world view. A few more made the quarantine that much easier. Here are a few of those books that were special.

*These are not affiliate links

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles

This was by far my favorite book of the year and ranks pretty far up there on the all-time list. It is heavy on the details, takes a while to get into it, and there is not so much of a plot per se, but once you get over that hump, each page is its own story. It was written in 2016 but is fittingly topical for the year of lockdowns in 2020, as you will see within the first chapter. Highly recommend. (5/5)

The Black Swan and the rest of Incerto by Nassim Taleb

This is one of those books that has been sitting on the old bookshelf for a while. Over a year, in fact, ever since I moved into my house up in college. It has been on pretty much every book list, raved about by people I respect on the internet but has an intimidating number of pages, so it was constantly pushed aside in favor of easier books with bigger print. But with the amount of free time I had due to quarantine, I no longer had enough excuses to keep it waiting on that shelf. I was not disappointed. Every chapter is filled with revelations about the world that seem so simple yet so profound that you are forced to close the book for a while and walk around just to take it in. These books will change the way you look at the world. (4/5)

The World of Yesterday by Stefan Zweig

Stefan Zweig was an author I was unaware of until this year, but in the 1930s and 40s, he had been one of the most popular authors in the world. The book is semi-autobiographical, half of it following his life though the 1900s, the other half giving his perspectives on those times from later in his life. This book is very much an ode to a time lost, and it can get a little sad because of it, but it is so well written that it is worth the read. (5/5)

The Red Rising Series by Pierce Brown

The day before the lockdown started in early March, I picked up this book at the local bookstore near my childhood home. I finished it that night and ordered the next two in the series off Amazon immediately. It’s the classic hero’s journey combined with a healthy dose of Hunger Games, instead in space rather than dystopian earth which can only make it better. The books reminded me of the Legend Series by Marie Lu that I enjoyed so much in my childhood and came at a great time. Before picking up Red Rising, I had been in one of the worst reading slumps of my life. This book reminded me why I love reading so much, something I was missing dearly in the pandemic. (4.5/5)

Those are the books I found most noteworthy. I have a full list here of all the books I read last year if that strikes your fancy. Thanks for reading about me reading and see you soon.

Some Thoughts on my Sister and Healthcare

Last night after dinner, I talked with my sister for the first time in a while. She is home for the week from Sacramento, where she is going to med school.

Being the future doctor in the family, she gets the honor of fielding every medical-related question or worry that comes to my mind. If my back is hurting or have had a sore throat and I'm convinced I'm dying, she gets a phone call. In a world where Covid is behind every corner, she gets a lot of calls from me. She says she doesn't mind, but I don't believe her.

Tonight though, the conversation drifted from Covid vaccines and my hurt toe to healthcare and the few problems that come with it. Most people know our American healthcare system needs some work. Every week there are headlines about the rising cost of drugs and people who can't afford surgeries or medicines that would vastly improve the quality of life. It doesn't make sense that a country as wealthy as ours can't afford basic drugs.

I wanted to get my sister's perspective on the problem. As a second-year student in med school, she no longer works on the front line, but she used to assist in clinics all across our county. A county in the Bay Area; an area that contains some of the wealthiest area codes in California and in the United States.

She told me how most health problems she saw could have easily been fixed, but so many could not afford it. They knew the procedures, the medicine, the referrals that would fix everything, but could not help them. She told me about a woman with type two diabetes who could not afford insulin. How if they suspected a patient of having cancer, they sent them to the emergency room because that the only way they know the patient will be able to afford help. She told me about how she had to memorize all the closest food banks because so many of her patients could not afford proper nutrition.

This is a half-hour away from Silicon Valley, where in the past two decades more millionaires were created than anywhere else in the world.

As I listened to her describe how much farther she and doctors had to go to treat these patients, I had to stop and appreciate my sister. She had always been a hero of mine. The work ethic she put into her sports and studies that allowed her to go to a top 20 university and become one of the best Irish Dancers in the world was always something I tried to emulate, and I know she will be a good doctor because of it.

But my sister is not going to be a good doctor; she will be a great one. Her dedication to caring propels her to memorize food bank locations so her patients can get proper nutrition. What keeps her studying for hours on end while the people she is studying to help protest health measures outside her window (she lives a block from the state capitol in Sacramento). Which allows her to patiently answer all my invalidated worries and stupid questions even though she's probably heard them a million times.

She is going to do big things. Both my sisters are. But especially now, appreciate your friends and family currently in health care. They are fighting a disease that much of the population doesn't believe in with a system that inhibits them more than helping them. Yet they still show up.

A Thank You to Mac Miller

There is a question I like to ask people. If you can only listen to one artist’s or band’s discography for the rest of your life, which band or artist would it be, and why?

I like this question because there are a variety of reasons people could have for choosing their artists.

Some people choose their artists because of the diverse songs they have that could be applied to different moods.

Others choose favorites that are tied to special memories. An old high school buddy of mine once answered Queen, not because he liked them, but because it’s what his late mother used to play in the car when she took him to school.

Others simply choose the classics, like the Rolling Stones or the Beetles, which come with the assurance that they will still be good later in their lives.

For me, Mac Miller was all of the above. An incredible musician, who was there for all the memories of my teenage years, and still my favorite artist. Still someone I look up to. Today, on the second anniversary of his death, I wanted to finally say thank you. 

“No matter where life takes me, find me with a smile
Pursuit to be happy, only laughing like a child”

The first time I listened to Mac was on way to school, the fall of my sophomore year. This is back when Apple music had just come out, and I still hadn’t migrated from the dark side to Spotify yet. While browsing the music app, I had noticed Mac’s face on top of the Good:AM album in the best new rap playlist and had queued it up for the drive. By the time the alarm rang at the beginning of “Brand Name,” I was hooked. From then on, he was by far my favorite artist.

Finding a new favorite artist is akin to winning the jackpot, especially if they had been around for a while. Mac had already released over seven full projects under a variety of aliases, and I got to listen to them all. “I am who I am” and “Objects in the Mirror” from Watching Movies, “Party on 5th ave” and “Smile Back” are absolute bangers, and I cannot believe I had never heard “Nike’s on my Feet” before then. Almost exactly a year later, The Divine Feminine was released, and I don’t think I listened to anything else for a full week after its release. Mac soon became the soundtrack of my life. 

”Ask her what she wearing, say it's nothing but a brand name
Baby, this right here is hand made”

When you have an artist on repeat, their songs inevitably become a part of your memories. Mac was with me during all the peaks and pitfalls that was high school. “ROS” and “Dang” were the soundtracks of my first real relationship, and I still think of a certain girl with pretty brown eyes every time they come on. “When in Rome” and “Break the Law” echoed throughout the locker room before Friday night basketball games. Every day on the way to and from school, I sang along to “We” with CeeLo Green or “Rush Hour” at least once. My little sister wasn’t the biggest fan, but she wasn’t driving.

”Your love's not too kind to me
I hate the pain these days of rain
You're playing games of hide and seek, my love”

I clearly remember the day his last living album Swimming came out, August 23rd, 2018. Music fans will remember that was the date that Travis Scott released Astroworld and YG Stay Dangerous as well. I was twenty at that point, a year into college, and a lot had changed since the time of The Divine Feminine.

The Mac Miller behind Swimming had grown as well. There was a weariness to the album, the sound of someone who had been forced to grow up a little too quickly. But the kid was still there, the same optimist believed in himself enough to know that the world was still his to take.

A few weeks later, my cousin called me while I was playing video games with my roommate. “Dude, Mac Miller died.” Just like that, the man who had been there my entire teenage life, who had inspired so many and had so far still to go, was gone. 

“And they don't wanna see that
They don't want me to OD and have to talk to my mother
Telling her they could have done more to help me
And she'll be crying saying that she'll do anything to have me back”

I think the part that gets me the most is not that he meant so much to me and millions of others, but that he still had so much more life to live. You could tell, with every project, he was growing as both a musician and as a person. With each lyric he shared we saw the struggles, related to the sad times, and rejoiced in the happy. His ability to connect through music was so great that despite him being a stranger, someone most of us had never met, we regarded him as a friend, a confidant, a brother. He had so much more to achieve and live. What could have been.

So, Mr. Mac Miller, thank you. Thank you for your music and for sharing your soul with us. Thank you for the countless memories that I get to relive during your songs. For hyping me up before games and dates, and for consoling me after losses and breakups. I really hope, for all our heroes, that those who have passed know how much they did. For so many people. Thank you.

DISC-UC Berkeley Summer Program

This past summer I spent 5 weeks at Berkeley in the UC Berkeley DISC Architecture program. I met some awesome people, learned a great deal, and had a lot of laughs. Here are some thoughts about it.

DISC is an interdisciplinary program run by the Berkeley School of Environmental design. It takes students from all over the world with different educational experiences and for five weeks teaches architecture and urban studies concepts. Each DISC program revolves around an urban problem that the Bay Area region is facing. This year, the program looked at the growing housing crisis and how it is affecting the Bay. In response, our class was divided up into groups to create transit oriented developments around BART stations, the local transit system. Throughout the program we learned ways of looking at this problem, tools used to solve it, and finally how to present solutions in understandable and persuasive ways. 

The class was divided up into three parts, all of which revolve around our project. We had  lecturers four times a week, workshops where we learned how to use different softwares, and studio work in which we worked on our projects. The lecturers were both inspiring and informative, and included local experts in the region such as the host of the podcast 99% invisible, and professors who both taught at Berkeley while working at impressive studios in San Francisco. The workshops were informative as well, but most of the learning occurred in the studio work.

Studio work was where it all happened. I got to work with two incredibly smart ladies, one from North Carolina, the other from Mumbai, India. It must be understood that I am not an architecture student. I have some aspirations of becoming one, but my knowledge of the subject was almost zero. That was the same of half my class. The other half of the class was at least in their third year of architecture school. Thank the good lord I got put with these guys, as they may have carried my uneducated rear more than once.

We started our project by learning how to and conducting site analysis on the station we were going to build the development on. This included looking at factors such as the slope of the site a where all the major building and infrastructure is located, as well as looking at the neighborhood as a whole; the average density, where the roads are, how high are the buildings, etc. We used all this information to create several different scenarios that we thought could work, and then tested these scenarios with possible events that could occur. For example, how would the site react to a housing crisis. From this we picked a scenario we wanted to continue with, and started to create a housing development based off that scenario. Over  the course of the week, we would present our development to our professors for critique on both the development and how we presented it. By the end of the five weeks, we had a development that we were pretty proud of.

Big thanks to the DISC program leaders and to UC Berkeley for having me this summer. To the right you can find the three posters that we used to present our development, as well as a few photos from my time there. I will definitely miss my time there.